Monthly Archives: May 2013

Drivel #1

In the spirit of not so important things that people love to read about, and (of course), of graciousness, I have been mind-controlled would like to relay a very amiable reply to our dear Singa the Courtesy Lion.

You see, according to the news, Singa has resigned. In other words, it was kind of like a job-euthanasia job.

Point to note, the letter as it loads on my computer looks like this:

Singa Letter

Maybe if I didn’t have to turn my head to read this I wouldn’t @#!@%&!@$*!@_#!@%&!@%&#&%

(Luckily there exists the ctrl+alt+arrowkey method of rotating the screen)


This is the (encrypted) message. It appeared to have been originally written in a mixture of Singlish and Gibberish.


Dear Singa,

It’s been a long time indeed, and it is as good a time as any to retire, what with the rising stock prices and minimum CPF sum (I hope you have a pension).

I remember fondly the last time we met – you were yellowed out like the films of the 1970s, perhaps by the sunlight shining onto you, day in, day out. Evidently, being stuck to a wall does grave things to your complexion. Hopefully, your current abode is shady and cool, whilst hopefully having enough years left on its lease.

It would be somewhat easy to assume your job was easy even though it was not – being rotated through the Courtesy department then to the Kindness Mascot position must have been a harrowing experience. Now that we are tasked with finding real people to fill up indispensable positions, interviews are rapidly being held for the relevant interviewers for this job. You have to understand that it takes a sharp eye, and generous salary, to identify specimens of great capacity for leadership and courteousness. Don’t even bring up the matter of kindness. You’ll have to pay top dollar for that. (Remember, you didn’t. Ha.)

It’s probably apparent to most of us, but thanks for the reminder that everyone is responsible for their actions, be it not giving their seat or being online trolls. As fortune has it, there will always be such characters, for what is one without the other, as with one Singa without its evil (perhaps yet-to-retire?) counterpart that lurks in the shadow? Perhaps he, she or it inspires the most cheerful and golden-hearted people to fall asleep on the reserved seats, and say the most hideous things on a Youtube account when they find the public computer they are using is still signed in.

Rest assured, we’ll continue to be courteous or not, just as we choose. After all, locusts can choose to be grasshoppers when under swarming conditions, just as respiring humans can choose to be nice when running out of oxygen in an enclosed space. Till we meet again, maybe locally, maybe in the casinos when I win a lucky draw for free entry, maybe in Pulau Ubin Theme Park, or maybe in JB.

your dearest friend, Agnis

P.S. I’ll be hanging out on the internet, waiting to crush the hearts of the kindest souls. TTFN ❤