Sleep is for the Weak (Warning: Potentially Disturbing)
If death is an eternal sleep, then is suicide for the eternally weak?
I could say more, but that would just be preemptively putting my other foot in my mouth
Here are some quotes that I found particularly poignant:
Widowed female, age 52 (Her husband died three months before.)
Please tell Ron’s folks I love them very much but my heart breaks when I see or hear from them. Also all our friends especially Irene and Charles and Ella I love them also. Forgive me for not seeing them.
Everyone seems so happy and I am so alone. Amy. I wanted to visit you but I am going around in a dream. Alice I wanted to help you paint but how could I with a broken heart. And my head aches so much any more my nerves are ready to break and what would happen if they did.
You will say I am crazy and I can’t go on this way just half living.
I loved this house once but now it is so full of memories I can’t stay here. I have tried to think of some way to go on but can’t. Am so nervous all the time — I loved Ron too much but is that a sin, with him gone I have nothing. Oh I have the girls and family but they don’t fill the vacant spot left in my heart …
Xmas is coming I can’t go on I’m afraid I would break down. I’ve thought of this so many times. I love every one but I can’t be one of you any more. Please think kindly of me and forgive me. I only hope this is fatal then I can rest and no more trouble to any one. Do with Lisa whats best I know she has been a lot of worry to mama and I’m sorry. I tried to keep the yard up that seemed to be the only comfort I had. I loved it but that wasn’t anything. I’ve lost every thing so why go on. I worshipped Ron and when he went I lost my whole world and everything.
I’m so tired and lonely.
There goes a siren. Oh how can I stand being left. I need to go to a Dr. but I am afraid. I’m so cold.
Mother Love, Louise
Married male, age 45
You win, I can’t take it any longer, I know you have been waiting for this to happen. I hope it makes you very happy, this is not an easy thing to do, but I’ve got to the point where there is nothing to live for, a little bit of kindness from you would of made everything so different, but all that ever interested you was the dollar.
It is pretty hard for me to do anything when you are so greedy even with this house you couldn’t even be fair with that, well it’s all yours now and you won’t have to see the Lawyer anymore.
I wish you would you give my personal things to Danny, you couldn’t get much from selling them anyway, you still have my insurance, it isn’t much but it will be enough to take care of my debts and still have a few bucks left.
You always told me that I was the one that made Sharon take her life, in fact you said I killed her, but you know down deep in your heart it was you that made her do what she did, and now you have two deaths to your credit, it should make you feel very proud.
Good By Kid
P.S. Disregard all the mean things I’ve said in this letter, I have said a lot of things to you I didn’t really mean and I hope you get well and wish you the best of everything.
Cathy — don’t come in.
Call your mother, she will know what to do.
Cathy don’t go in the bedroom.
Some of the stories are tragic. A friend of a friend jumped from a high building and hit a parked car several stories below. She broke most of her bones and punctured several of her inner organs, but didn’t die. Instead she was wheeled, conscious, to the local emergency rom, her most privately conceived act announced to the world by the ambulance siren. She spent the next year in bed, much of it in a hospital ward allocated to critically ill victims of violence, her still suicidal mind the only functioning part of her body.
“Anyway, I suspect suicidal people are automatically rescued not for their own sakes, but for the rest of us. A suicide death, unless it is rationally prepared for, devastates. The message of a suicide attempt is often: Death is better than the pain you’ve caused me. And the message doesn’t have to come from someone you know. David Gruder, who directed crisis hotlines, told me about a woman who called up and raved: “I’ve had it. I’m pissed off. I’m killing myself and damned if I’m not to take someone else with me and you, you bastard, are coming. BANG!” She shot herself. And, as it happened, it was the hotline worker’s first call. She went right into a nervous breakdown.
But I believe the main reason a suicide attempt devastates and fascinates us is it reminds us how fragile our own hold on life is. “Here I am struggling along with my problems,” Michael Simpson said, “and here’s a guy who’s given up. Is it possible I’m wrong in bothering so hard to try to live? Once you start discussing suicide you’re asking what the grounds are for killing ourselves. The other side of that question is, ‘What am I living for?’ That’s an ugly question for most of us because we don’t usually know.””